Here is my list (that I have not mastered, by the way) of things to do (and not do) for your husband to let him know you care. I definitely have some old-fashioned beliefs, but please don’t take the video seriously! I am not pretending to have all the answers regarding men and I do not possess the secrets to a happy marriage, but I do think there are a few things any man will appreciate.
- Let him know you are his biggest fan. Tell him how great he is, how much you appreciate the little things he does to help you (no matter how small) , and how much he’s loved. I am not suggesting you lie. If you are not his biggest fan, you should be! I REALLY need to get a 'Team Tad' shirt made up. That would be awesome.
- It is best to avoid asking questions such as “What are you thinking about, honey?” Men hate this because they know they will get themselves into trouble if they tell you what they were really thinking. Or they can't remember. I think I might hate that question more than Tad does.
- Always speak highly of him to others. Don’t call up your best friend to tell her about his latest stupid mistake. This is so true. Not only does it help YOU like your husband more, it helps your friends to also. There's nothing worse than having your friends hate your man.
- Don’t cut him down. It may be tempting to tell him exactly what you think of him during an argument, but hold your tongue. Deep down, somewhere , you love this man, and shredding him to bits will only make the situation worse. Don’t remind him of his weaknesses at every opportunity. Most men are fully aware of their weaknesses and do not need reminding. I was surprised to realize how sensitive Tad really is, and how much what I say means to him.
- Be quick to apologize for snapping at him when you are tired and cranky. While sometimes this feels like trying to swallow a mouthful of dirt it's worth it.
- Listen to what he has to say. This may include topics that you neither understand nor care to be enlightened about, such as the rules of fantasy football or a comparison of programming codes. If you listen to him, chances are he'll listen to you when you want to chat about hairstyles and nail polish.
- Although it is widely believed that men are dogs, don’t treat him like one. Don’t attempt to keep him on a short leash, or even long chain. I know the idea of a shock collar (as used in dog training ) is appealing, but really, he’s a big boy now. While they do have many puppy-like qualities (like loving a good scratch or wagging their tail at the sight of food) they are not, in fact, dogs. Don't hit them on the nose with a newspaper when he puts his feet up on the table.
- Appreciate who he is and don’t try to change him. You knew who he was when you married him. Trying to make him into something different is: A. a waste of your time because it will not work and B. just annoying . He was flawless in your eyes when you first met. Is he really not good enough now? I know, you have grown and changed and expanded. Let him appreciate you, but stay the same. While he may never change, he WILL be more aware of some of the minor annoying things he does if you ask him nicely.
- Encourage his hobbies, even if you aren’t fond of them. My husband loves motorcycles. People are always saying things like “I can’t believe your wife let you have a bike” and “How could you let him do that?” Let him? That’s not how it is supposed to work. He is my husband, not my child. Yes, I worry. I ask him call to check in. I also love to see the smile on his face when returns safely from a nice long ride. They really do need their hobbies. As much as I hate to give away some of the time he spends with us, giving him an hour here and there will make him a very happy man.
- Don’t make fun of his team, even if they always lose. It is likely that your husband has been programmed since birth to be a fan of a particular sports team. This rule additionally applies to Star Trek and Star Wars fans. If your husband is still a fan of the band KISS, then you have permission to go wild with abuse. Making fun of his team is like him making fun of your hair. So not cool.
A Few Extras
Leave him alone when he is in the bathroom. I have a friend who follows her husband in there when she knows he ‘s going to be awhile just to have his complete attention. If your man doesn’t listen to you, find a more enjoyable alternative.If you ever find yourself thinking that this man of yours is too difficult to live with, remember that he has to live with you. Are you always a perfectly dreamy mate? I’m not. I commented recently that when we finally have an opportunity to spend time together, I will have grown old and bitter and not be any fun anymore. The implication that I am not yet bitter was very amusing to him. But he puts up with it, along with my complaining (I am quite talented), my constant exhaustion and my frequent refusal to be social, particularly with his friends.