Toddler Tutorials

When I'm not paying attention I sometimes find that my kids teach me more than I realize. Here are a few of my favorite lessons. Making Friends Should Be Fun
Scarlett and her cousin Nora don't get to be around each other very often because of the 4 hour drive between them. But don't you think that'll stop them from being fast friends. These two were partners in crime from the very first minute they realized the other existed. Why can't making friends be more fun and less scary for adults?

You don't need super powers to be someone's hero
Wes is always ready to help whenever he's called upon. He never lets anything scare him away from his mommy in need (except for the occasional old lady, for some reason old ladies scare him to death)! He loves helping with building things, cooking, helping Scarlett eat, the list doesn't end. I doubt thoughts like "But if I help daddy build a shelf I wont have time to relax" run through his mind when we ask for his assistance.

Don't give up
Scarlett lives her life under the motto "Where there's a will, there's a way". And she's proved that to me time and again. No challenge is too hard for her to give it her all. Yes it does get her in trouble some times, but that never hinders her from stretching her limits. When do we start feeling self-conscious about trying new things?


Turning lemons into lemonade is a lot of fun
We came home a few days ago on a rainy day to find a LARGE puddle in front of the stairs that lead up to our apartment. While my first instincts was "Great, now my floors are going to be nasty" Wes's was something like "YYYYEEEEEEEE HHHHAAAAWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!"

Have you learned something from someone unexpected lately?

5 Tips to Balance Life with Work

With summer ending and school starting I'm already starting to feel overwhelmed just at the thought of our busy schedules. Tad's starting his Master's Program, I'm taking a couple of classes as well, Wes is starting preschool, and this is on top of our regular day-to-day tasks! Well WebMD has a few suggestions to help out us poor busy people. So whether you need to hear it, or your spouse does, take a look! You never know what you'll learn.

If you're feeling overworked and finding it more challenging than ever to juggle the demands of your job and the rest of your life, you're not alone.

"A lot of people are having a more difficult time finding balance in their lives because there have been cutbacks or layoffs where they work. They're afraid it may happen to them, so they're putting in more hours," says psychologist Robert Brooks, PhD, co-author of The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence, and Personal Strength in Your Life. Focus your time and attention on things you can control.

Here are five ways to bring a little more balance to your daily routine:

1. Build downtime into your schedule.

When you plan your week, make it a point to schedule time with your family and friends and activities that help you recharge.

If a date night with your spouse or a softball game with friends is on your calendar, you'll have something to look forward to and an extra incentive to manage your time well so you don't have to cancel.

"It helps to be proactive about scheduling," says Laura Stack, a productivity expert in Denver and author of SuperCompetent: The Six Keys to Perform at Your Productive Best. "When I go out with my girlfriends, we all whip out our cell phones and put another girls' night out on the calendar for one month later," she says.

Stack also plans an activity with her family -- like going to a movie or the park -- every Sunday afternoon. "We do this because if there's nothing on the schedule, time tends to get frittered away and the weekend may end without us spending quality time together," she says.

Michael Neithardt, an actor and television commercial producer in New York City, wakes up three hours before he has to leave for work so he can go for a run and spend some time with his wife and baby.

"A lot of my friends tend to wake up, shower, and go straight to work. And they often complain about having no time to do anything," he tells WebMD in an e-mail. "I find that if I can get those three hours in the morning, I have a more productive and peaceful workday. I can sure tell the difference when I don't."

Tad is the WORST at giving himself time in the mornings. His motto is 'Get up only when you absolutely HAVE to'.

2. Drop activities that sap your time or energy.

"Many people waste their time on activities or people that add no value -- for example, spending too much time at work with a colleague who is constantly venting and gossiping," says Marilyn Puder-York, PhD, a psychologist and executive coach in New York and Connecticut. She recommends taking stock of activities that aren't really enhancing your career or personal life and minimizing the time you spend on them.

You may even be able to leave work earlier if you make a conscious effort to limit the time you spend on the web and social media sites, making personal calls, or checking your bank balance. "We often get sucked into these habits that are making us much less efficient without realizing it," Stack says.

Oh if only I could have back the hours I've spent gossiping.

3. Rethink your errands.

Consider whether you can outsource any of your time-consuming household chores or errands.

Could you order your groceries online and have them delivered? Hire a kid down the street to mow your lawn? Have your dry cleaning picked up and dropped off at your home or office? Order your stamps online so you don't have to go to the post office? Even if you're on a tight budget, you may discover that the time you'll save will make it worth it.

Stack also suggests trading services with friends. Offer to do tasks that you enjoy or that you were planning to do anyway.

"You could exchange gardening services for babysitting services," Stack says. "If you like to cook, you could prepare and freeze a couple of meals and give them to a friend in exchange for wrapping your holiday gifts."

I am so in favor of exchanging services! There are some things that I just can't stand to do.

4. Get moving.

It's hard to make time for exercise when you have a jam-packed schedule, but experts say that it may ultimately help you get more done by boosting your energy level and ability to concentrate.

"Research shows exercise can help you to be more alert," Brooks says. "And I've noticed that when I don't exercise because I'm trying to squeeze in another half hour of writing, I don't feel as alert."

Samantha Harris, a lawyer who works for a nonprofit organization in Philadelphia, says she recently started sneaking in a trip to the gym two or three mornings a week before her family wakes up. "It's been a real boost in terms of the way I feel for the rest of the day," she says. "I feel like my head is clearer and I've had a little time to myself."

I'd have to agree. I've started getting up early to do a Yoga DVD and it's way worth it.

5. Remember that a little relaxation goes a long way.

Don't get overwhelmed by assuming that you need to make big changes to bring more balance to your life. Brooks recommends setting realistic goals, like trying to leave the office earlier one night per week.

"Slowly build more activities into your schedule that are important to you," he says. "Maybe you can start by spending an hour a week on your hobby of carpentry or planning a weekend getaway with your spouse once a year," he says.

Stack points out that even during a hectic day, you can take 10 or 15 minutes to do something that will recharge your batteries. "Take a bath, read a trashy novel, go for a walk, or listen to music," she suggests. "You have to make a little time for the things that ignite your joy."

What ignites my joy? A good book, great chocolate, and a shirtless movie star with great abs.

Color Coded Personality

Have you ever wondered what color you'd be coded under? Well here's your chance to find out! This is a great personality test recommended by my Psychology Professor. In case you were wondering I'm a Blue with a minor in White :)

HARTMAN PERSONALITY PROFILE (COLOR CODE)
Directions: Mark an “X” on the answer sheet by the one word or phrase that best describes what you are like most of the time. Choose only one response from each group. Read down first. After you have finished question 30, total your scores for each letter.

PERSONALITY STRENGTHS AND LIMITATIONS
1.a)___ opinionated
b)___ nurturing
c)___ inventive
d)___ outgoing

2.a)___ power-oriented
b)___ a perfectionist
c)___ indecisive
d)___ self-centered

3.a)___ dominant
b)___ sympathetic
c)___ tolerant
d)___ enthusiastic

4.a)___ self-serving
b)___ suspicious
c)___ unsure
d)___ naive

5.a)___ decisive
b)___ loyal
c)___ contented
d)___ playful

6.a)___ arrogant
b)___ worry prone
c)___ slightly stubborn
d)___ flighty

7.a)___ assertive
b)___ reliable
c)___ kind
d)___ sociable

8.a)___ bossy
b)___ self-critical
c)___ reluctant
d)___ a teaser

9.a)___ action-oriented
b)___ analytical
c)___ easygoing
d)___ carefree

10.a)___critical of others
b)___ overly sensitive
c)___ shy
d)___ obnoxious

11.a)___ determined
b)___ detail conscious
c)___ a good listener
d)___ a party person

12.a)___ demanding
b)___ unforgiving
c)___ unmotivated
d)___ vain

13.a)___ responsible
b)___ idealistic
c)___ considerate
d)___ happy

14.a)___ impatient
b)___ moody
c)___ passive
d)___ impulsive

15.a)___ strong-willed
b)___ respectful
c)___ patient
d)___ fun-loving

16.a)___ argumentative
b)___ unrealistic
c)___ directionless
d)___ an interrupter

17.a)___ independent
b)___ dependable
c)___ even tempered
d)___ trusting

18.a)___ aggressive
b)___ often depressed
c)___ ambivalent
d)___ forgetful

19.a)___ powerful
b)___ deliberate
c)___ gentle
d)___ optimistic

20.a)___ insensitive
b)___ judgmental
c)___ boring
d)___ undisciplined

21.a) ___ logical
b) ___ emotional
c) ___ agreeable
d) ___ popular

22.a) ___ always right
b) ___ guilt prone
c) ___ unenthusiastic
d) ___ uncommitted

23.a) ___ pragmatic
b) ___ well-behaved
c) ___ accepting
d) ___ spontaneous

24.a) ___ merciless
b) ___ thoughtful
c) ___ uninvolved
d)___ a show-off

25.a)___ task-oriented
b)___ sincere
c)___ diplomatic
d)___ lively

26.a)___ tactless
b)___ hard to please
c)___ lazy
d)___ loud

27.a)___ direct
b)___ creative
c)___ adaptable
d)___ a performer

28.a)___ calculating
b)___ self-righteous
c)___ self-deprecating
d)___ disorganized

29.a)___ confident
b)___ disciplined
c)___ pleasant
d)___ charismatic

30.a)___ intimidating
b)___ careful
c)___ unproductive
d)___ afraid to face facts

STRENGTH AND LIMITATION TOTALS
___ Total a’s ___Total b’s ___ Total c’s ___ Total d’s Enter your totals in the proper spaces. Now let’s see if you respond the same way to the following situations as you did to groups of descriptive words. Again, pick only one answer, and record your totals for each letter at the end of the section.

SITUATIONS
31. If I applied for a job, a prospective employer would most likely hire me because I am:
a. Driven, direct and delegating
b. Deliberate, accurate and reliable
c. Patient, adaptable and tactful
d. Fun loving, spirited and casual

32. When involved in an intimate relationship, if I feel threatened by my partner, I:
a. Fight back with facts and anger
b. Cry, feel hurt and plan revenge
c. Become quiet, withdrawn and often hold anger until I blow up over some minor issue later.
d. Distance myself and avoid further conflict

33. For me, life is most meaningful when it:
a. Is task oriented and productive
b. Is filled with people and purpose
c. Is free of pressure and stress
d. Allows me to be playful, lighthearted and optimistic

34. As a child, I was:
a. Stubborn, bright and/or aggressive
b. Well-behaved, caring and/or depressed
c. Permissive, easily persuaded and/or often overwhelmed
d. Playful, casual and/or irresponsible

35. As an adult, I am:
a. Opinionated, determined and/or uncompromising
b. Concerned, sensitive and/or critical
c. Permissive, easily persuaded and/or often overwhelmed
d. Playful, casual and/or irresponsible

36. As a parent, I am:
a. Demanding, quick-tempered and/or uncompromising
b. Concerned, sensitive and/or critical
c. Permissive, easily persuaded and/or often overwhelmed
d. Playful, casual and/or irresponsible

37. In an argument with a friend I am most likely to be:
a. Verbally stubborn about facts
b. Concerned about others’ feeling and principles
c. Silently stubborn, uncomfortable and/or confused
d. Loud, uncomfortable and/or uncompromising

38. If my friend was in trouble, I would be:
a. Protective, resourceful and recommend solutions
b. Concerned, emphatic and loyal--regardless of the problem
c. Supportive, patient and a good listener
d. Nonjudgmental, optimistic and downplaying the seriousness of the situation

39. When making a decision, I am:
a. Assertive, articulate, and logical
b. Deliberate, precise and cautious
c. Indecisive, timid and reluctant.
d. Impulsive, uncommitted and inconsistent

40. When I fail, I feel:
a. Silently self-critical, yet verbally stubborn and defensive
b. Guilty, self-critical and vulnerable to depression -- I dwell on it
c. Unsettled and fearful, but I keep it to myself
d. Embarrassed and nervous — seeking to escape the situation

41. If someone crosses me:
a. I am angered, and cunningly plan ways to get even quickly
b. I feel deeply hurt and find it almost impossible to forgive completely. Generally getting even is not enough.
c. I am silently hurt and plan to get even and/or completely avoid the other person
d. I want to avoid confrontation, consider the situation not important enough to bother with and/or seek other friends

42. Work is:
a. A most productive way to spend one’s time
b. A healthy activity, which should be done right if it’s to be done at all. Work should be done before one plays
c. A positive activity as long as it is something I enjoy and don’t feel pressured to accomplish
d. A necessary evil, much less inviting than play

43. In social situations, I am most often:
a. Feared by others
b. Admired by others
c. Protected by others
d. Envied by others

44. In a relationship, I am most concerned with being:
a. Approved of and right
b. Understood, appreciated and intimate
c. Respected, tolerant and peaceful
d. Praised, having fun and feeling free

45. To feel alive and positive, I seek:
a. Adventure, leadership and lots of action
b. Security, creativity and purpose
c. Acceptance and safety
d. Excitement, playful productivity and the company of others

SITUATION TOTALS
____Total a’s ____Total b’s ____ Total c’s ____ Total d’s

Now add your totals from number 1-30 to those from Situations 31-45 to get grand totals. At this point, the four personality color types are assigned to each of the letters’: Red for “a”, Blue for “b”, White for “c”, and Yellow for “d”.

GRAND TOTALS
Red (a) _____ Blue (b) _____ White (c) _____ Yellow (d) _____

The Color Code NAME________________________________
A New Way to See Yourself, Your Relationships and Life
By Taylor Hartman, PhD.

Count up your totals of A's, B's, C's and D's for questions 1-30.
Strengths and Limitations Totals
_____ A totals _____ B totals _____ C totals _____ D totals

Count up your totals of A's, B's, C's, and D's for questions 31-45
Situation Totals
_____ A totals _____ B totals _____ C Totals _____ D totals

GRAND TOTALS
_____ A RED _____ B BLUE _____ C WHITE _____ D YELLOW

PERSONALITY OVERVIEW

RED
Motives: Power
Needs: To look good academically, To be right, To be respected
Wants, APPROVAL, To hide insecurities (tightly), To please self, Leadership, Challenging adventure

BLUE
Motives: Intimacy
Needs: To be good morally, To be understood, To be appreciated
Wants: ACCEPTANCE, To reveal insecurities, To please others, Autonomy, Security

WHITE
Motives: Peace
Needs: To feel good inside, To be understood, To be respected
Wants: ACCEPTANCE, To reveal insecurities, To please others, Protection, Contentment

YELLOW
Motives: Fun
Needs: To look good socially, To be popular, To be praised
Wants: APPROVAL, To hid insecurities (loosely), To be noticed, Freedom, Playful adventure

COLOR CODE PERSONALITIES

RED “Power Wielders”
Strengths:
natural leader
creative in crisis
thrives on independence
operates in a logical, sensible manner
direct and honest with opinions
communicates thoughts well in verbal conversation
directs conversation in productive, pragmatic way
tell others where they stand in relationship

Weakness:
unemotional and detached from feelings
insensitive and tactless
bored with idle chatter
harsh and judgmental
lacks ability to shore self intimately

BLUE “The Do-Gooders”
Strengths:
strong aesthetic sense
highly disciplined
able to enjoy sensitive and deep conversation
strong skills to empathize with others
prefers small groups
willing to let conversations run their course
deep sense of purpose
sincere and deeply emotional
stable and dependable

Weakness:
tends to over kill issues
feels intense on many issues
rigid with principles and unwilling to negotiate
argues from emotional perspective
self abusive verbally

WHITE “The Peace Keepers”
Strengths:
receptive to other’s input
quiet, reflective and peaceful
enjoys life’s simplicity
negotiator and mediator on issues
listens superbly
strong empathy skills
dependable in all situations
patient with self and others

Weakness:
fearful of confrontation
unable to respond quickly in conversation
agrees to please others
doesn’t contribute openly
prefers to observe others interact
refuses to take a stand on issues

YELLOW “Fun Lovers
Strengths:
highly optimistic
sees life as an experience to be enjoyed
spontaneous thinker
enjoys and promotes the physical
easy to converse with
comfortable with people
energized by large groups
superb at superficial conversation

Weakness:
speaks before thinking
poor listener
talks too much about everything and nothing
light minded and superficial
interrupts others freely
overly dramatic

10 Tips for College Going Young Moms

As of tomorrow I will no longer be a college drop out! Although, since I haven't taken classes in over 6 years I will now be a stressed out, stretched thin college student with 2 small kids. I need all the help I can get to keep my sanity.

So here are some great tips for anyone in my same position!

1. Set a consistent time for yourself to study
Setting a regular study time for yourself is a great way to stay on task with your coursework and to make sure it gets done.

2. Explain what’s going on to your kids
Keep your kids in the loop of what’s going on – explain that you’re going to school, why you’re doing it, and what that means for the family.

3. Ask for help from friends and family
Don’t be afraid to ask for help and to accept assistance from your friends or family members. They want to see you succeed and will be happy to pitch in.

4. Arrange to study when the kids are asleep, at school, or with friends
Be proactive by arranging study times that will match up with nap time or play-dates.

Thank goodness my kids both take naps!

5. Communicate with your instructor about your situation
Get to know your instructor early on, and communicate openly throughout the course.

6. Create a workspace that is free of distractions
Your study center should be a focused place that is away from the kids where you can go for uninterrupted time.

It's too bad our desk is in the living room because there's no room anywhere else in our pint size place.

7. Check out resources on time management and balance
Look for resources on time management and stories from other moms who have managed it all.

8. Spend time relaxing
It’s just as important to spend some time relaxing as it is to be productive during your study sessions. Rejuvenation will keep you going.

9. Create special family times to spend with the kids
Set aside specific times for the kids away from all other work, so that the importance of family isn’t forgotten.

10. Be flexible
Learn to be flexible with your planning and schedules, as things simply won’t always go as planned.

Posted by Michael Moss

7 Tips to Recapturing Romance in Your Relationship

On my to do list I have things like feed children, clean children, clean house, grocery shop, and work on blog. Somehow it never seems to end, but lately I've noticed that I often forget to add something to it...Romance. It's easy to forget about when you're so exhausted you can't keep your eyes open while you brush your teeth at the end of the day, but I think it's more important than I'm giving it credit for. Here are some tips from Oprah (of course) about adding a little spice in your life!

Has your relationship lost its spark? These suggestions will reignite the flame between you and your partner. Try one every day of the week, focus on one at a time, do whatever you like with them—but do take them all to heart.

1. Find Out What You Want
Are you meeting your partner's needs? Are your needs being met? What are they? After you know partner's needs, if you find yourselves still frustrated, realize that it's not that you can't meet your partner's needs, it's that you won't. Think about why you haven't yet.

Dr. Harville Hendrix, a relationship expert, offers advice on how to better your marriage when your partner is no longer willing to give you what you need. "You may try to coerce him into caring through criticism, intimidation, shame, withdrawal, crying, anger—whatever works," he says. This power struggle may continue for years, but it can end because of the love you have for each other. "The emotional bond created by romantic love evolves into a powerful organic bond through the process of resolving conflict," Dr. Hendrix says. "With self-awareness, we can correct what has gone wrong."

I'm a very stubborn person, just ask Tad. A lot of times I find myself holding back for no reason at all except a feeling of 'needing to win'.

2. Respect Your Partner

It shouldn't matter why your partner needs what he or she needs. Consider Dr. Phil's example: If one of your kids got up in the middle of the night and said, "I'm thirsty," would you just turn around and say, "Well, I'm not, so go back to bed"? The key is to appreciate your partner's individuality. Don't expect your partner to react exactly as you would; your partner isn't you!

Learn more about your partner and understand why he acts the way he does. Listening to your partner can reduce conflict, boost trust and lead to a more satisfying relationship. It's especially important to listen when your partner is upset—which could require some practice. "Practice listening in less-loaded relationships, like with customers at work or friends on the phone," says Dr. Steve Brody, author of Renew Your Marriage at Midlife. "After building up listening muscles in those less-challenging relationships, the weight of your partner becoming unglued won't be as overwhelming."

Tad is really great at listening to me, or watching for signs from me (because a lot of times I don't talk about what bothers me so I don't burst into tears.)

3. What Message Do You Send?

Think about the message you're sending your partner when you don't acknowledge his or her wants. How does this make your partner feel? How would it make you feel?

Chris Abani, a contributor for O, The Oprah Magazine, says there are a lot of things that men aren't telling women about their actions. "We are very insecure about how we look and what you really think about us, and we are excited when you do small, nice things for us like make coffee or come with us to the barber or just buy us a good book," he says. "We've been trained never to show this side to you, but it is there."

I love surprising Tad with a carton of lemon flavored frozen custard!

4. Compromise

Know that you can fulfill your partner's wants. But by prioritizing your needs alone, you're making the conscious decision to not to fulfil his or her wants. Try talking about both of your needs and wants. Find the middle ground.

Sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman says it's important to connect emotionally with your partner and communicate your needs and wants in the bedroom. Bring your emotions, desires, fantasies and inhibitions to each other, allowing you to listen to your partner's thoughts and sharing your own too. Lose the sexual and nonsexual distractions, and get down to the bare, honest truth about how pleasure is factoring into your relationships, she says.

It's a lot easier to give a little if you're getting something in return.

5. Don't Forget Romance

Keep in mind that romance is an important element of marriage. Your partner might consider romance as the true measure of his or her value to your relationship. Be thoughtful and try doing something sweet for no apparent reason.

In 2004, DrPhil.com, O, the Oprah Magazine and Oprah.com conducted a survey about love. The survey found that romance is central to people's definition of love: Ninety-four percent [of people surveyed] responded that giving flowers, holding hands or taking your partner for a night out are hallmarks of love. Also, about two-thirds of respondents characterized chores like taking out the trash and doing the dishes as acts of love.

I love it when Tad shows up with a bunch of flowers!

6. Remember the 4-Minute Rule

You can predict how an evening with your partner will be based on the first four minutes of your time together, so make those minutes count! Bring flowers. Greet each other with a compliment. Ask questions about your partner's day. Smile; it'll make a difference.

Research shows that you must be nice to your partner to have a happy marriage. "The little things matter," social psychologist Susan Boon says. "You have to do nice things often. But it's harder to be nice when the heat is on, when you're really angry or when something has happened for the 15th time. Nevertheless, the balance must be heavily, heavily stacked in the positive to have a happy marriage."

Sadly my first instinct is to complain about my day so Tad knows how hard I have it :(

7. Open Up

Be communicative and expressive with your partner. Remember, sharing emotions is not weakness; it makes you whole.

Dr. Phil offers six rules for talking with and listening to your partner, including insisting on emotional integrity and the importance of being a two-way, not a one-way, communicator. "Mean what you say and say what you mean," he says. "You don't have to tell people everything you think or feel. But you do have to be accurate when you choose to disclose."

I could sure use some pointers with this.

I hope this helps any of you who, like me, are in need of a pick me up. Good luck!

Be Childlike

It seems like I spent the bulk of my childhood wishing I was grown up, but now that I am I wish I had some of it back. Things like...Eating whatever you want
I fondly remember the days when I could chug down a hamburger, fries, chocolate shake, and 2 slices of chocolate cake without adding a pound to my figure.

Making Friends
Remember when you could make a best friend in a 5 minute game of hopscotch? I'm sure some people have an easy time making new friends, but that's just not me. When I meet new people I usually end up being very self-conscious & shy. I wish I had the same confidence and lack of prejudices that children seem to come by without thinking twice about it.

Simple Pleasures
Of all the toys I've bought my children I think their favorites have always been things like cardboard boxes, spatulas, and empty water bottles.

Cartoons
So right now Wes's favorite shows include Dragon Tales, Sesame Street, and the Backyardigans. However one of my favorites was Pepper Ann! I don't think a lot of people watched this show, but I loved watching Pepper Ann's awkward, yet lovable blunderings.

Sports
I played basketball for 6 years until I graduated from high school and it's one of the things I miss most. (And not just for the 2 hours a day of hard core exercise that I wish I had the discipline and time for now) Tad and I both hope our kids will be involved in sports or dancing or drama or anything else that teaches teamwork and leadership and fair play.

And most of all
Freedom
I love to look over and see Wes walking around like a caveman or laying upside-down on the couch. I envy the freedom they feel to do whatever they want whenever they want to. -Roar like the Hulk, slither like a snake, run around in circles until you can't see strait.- Why do we ever grow out that?

What do you miss most?

10 Habits of Organized People

I am FAR from an organized person, but I aspire to be.
Maybe these tips from Oprah.com will help!

You know those folks who seem to have it all together? They're not perfectionists (far from it). Instead, experts say, they follow a few simple rules.

1. Walk away from bargains
Just because you can buy a cashmere sweater for $20 or three bottles of ketchup for the price of one doesn't mean you should. "Ask, 'Do I have something similar?' and 'Where am I going to store it?' before making a purchase," advises New York City professional organizer Julie Morgenstern, author of Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life.

Tad is the WORST at this! The grocery store always offers ten powerade's for 10 dollars, and he HAS to buy all 10 of them. He's a sucker for a good deal. :)

2. Make peace with imperfection
Efficient people give "A-level effort" to the most important projects (say, work assignments or a kitchen redesign), and for the rest they do just enough to get the job done, says Renae Reinardy, PsyD, a psychologist who specializes in hoarding disorders. Maybe you give yourself permission to bring store-bought cookies to a school bake sale or donate a bag of stuff—unsorted!—to Goodwill. "Trying to do every task perfectly is the easiest way to get bogged down," says Reinardy.

Again, I've got to mention Tad's name here. He's the guy who get's a 96 on a test and can't stop thinking (and talking) about the 2 questions he got wrong. Let it go man!

3. Never label anything "miscellaneous"
You put a bunch of things into a file or box and write this catchall across the front. "But within a week you've forgotten what's in there," says Morgenstern. Instead, sort items into specific groups—"electric bills," "lightbulbs," and so on.

I'd be the guilty party here. :( I have a bad habit for messy piles.

4. Schedule regular decluttering sessions
Rather than wait until an industrious mood strikes (we all know where that leads), have a decluttering routine in place—whether it's spending 15 minutes sorting mail after work or tackling a new project every Sunday afternoon.

You can give a girl a schedule, but can you make her stick to it?

5. Stick with what works
"I have clients who will try every line of makeup, every cell phone—it's exhausting," says Dorothy Breininger, president of the Delphi Center for Organization. Don't waste time (and money) obsessively seeking out the best thing.

Tad is super loyal when he finds something he likes.
Whether it's his shaver or his sandwich he gets what he's like

6. Create a dump zone
Find a space to corral all the stuff that you don't have time to put away the moment you step in the door, says Breininger. Once you're ready to get organized, you won't have to hunt all over the house for the dry cleaning or your child's field trip permission slip.

Just make sure you schedule a time to go through it! Otherwise you end up with my 50 piles.

7. Ask for help
"The organized person is willing to expose herself to short-term embarrassment and call for backup," says Breininger. Which is to say, that elaborate four-course dinner you planned? Change it to a potluck.

While I like to project the appearance of being a together and on top of it kind of person, sadly that's just not the case. Everyone needs a hand now and then. So even if you can't let everyone see your messy side, make sure you have your life-savor friends who'll love you no matter what. Then you can return the favor. Let's face it, every girl needs to know she's not the only one with hairy legs now and then. ;)

8. Separate emotions from possessions
It's healthy to be attached to certain items—a vase you picked up in Paris, your grandmother's pearls. But holey concert tees or cheap, scuffed earrings your husband gave you years ago? Just let them go.

If it's just going to sit in a box in your closet get rid of it.

9. Foresee (and avoid) problems
You wouldn't leave the house on a gray day without an umbrella, right? People who appear to sail through life unruffled apply this thinking to every scenario, says Breininger. Have a cabinet packed with leaning towers of Tupperware? Organized folks will take a few minutes to short-circuit an avalanche before it happens. (In other words, rearranging that cupboard now is easier than chasing after wayward lids as they scatter underneath the fridge.)

I've fallen victim to a tupperware avalanche a few times.

10. Know where to donate
It's easier to part with belongings if they're going to a good home. Identify a neighbor's son who fits into your child's outgrown clothes, or choose a favorite charity. "It will save you from searching for the perfect recipient every time you need to unload something," says Morgenstern.

I can't tell you how thankful I am for the packages of kids clothes that people have given me. Several of our friends and family have given us so many clothes we've rarely had to buy any. My aunt Lavinia (FYI-totally awesome person) kept my son clothes for the first 2 years of his life!

10 Life Lessons You Should Unlearn

I know that I have my fair share of bad habits, sleeping with my makeup on is just the beginning of the list! Here are 10 lessons Martha Beck from O Magazine has learned she needs to unlearn.

1. Problems are bad. You spent your school years solving arbitrary problems imposed by boring authority figures. You learned that problems—comment se dit?—suck. But people without real problems go mad and invent things like base jumping and wedding planning. Real problems are wonderful, each carrying the seeds of its own solution. Job burnout? It's steering you toward your perfect career. An awful relationship? It's teaching you what love means. Confusing tax forms? They're suggesting you hire an accountant, so you can focus on more interesting tasks, such as flossing. Finding the solution to each problem is what gives life its gusto.

I've never been one for brain teasers and word searches, but I do know the satisfaction of finally grasping the solution I've been straining for.

2. It's important to stay happy. Solving a knotty problem can help us be happy, but we don't have to be happy to feel good. If that sounds crazy, try this: Focus on something that makes you miserable. Then think, "I must stay happy!" Stressful, isn't it? Now say, "It's okay to be as sad as I need to be." This kind of permission to feel as we feel—not continuous happiness—is the foundation of well-being.

There's nothing that makes me more miserable than plastering my big, fake happy smile over my sad, miserable broken heart.

3. I'm irreparably damaged by my past. Painful events leave scars, true, but it turns out they're largely erasable. Jill Bolte Taylor, the neuroanatomist who had a stroke that obliterated her memory, described the event as losing "37 years of emotional baggage." Taylor rebuilt her own brain, minus the drama. Now it appears we can all effect a similar shift, without having to endure a brain hemorrhage. The very thing you're doing at this moment—questioning habitual thoughts—is enough to begin off-loading old patterns. For example, take an issue that's been worrying you ("I've got to work harder!") and think of three reasons that belief may be wrong. Your brain will begin to let it go. Taylor found this thought-loss euphoric. You will, too.

If I want to introduce a new change in our lives I have to do it little by little. Taking it one conversation at a time helps us work through the changes and picture it happening.

4. Working hard leads to success. Baby mammals, including humans, learn by playing, which is why "the battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton." Boys who'd spent years strategizing for fun gained instinctive skills to handle real-world situations. So play as you did in childhood, with all-out absorption. Watch for ways your childhood playing skills can solve a problem (see #1). Play, not work, is the key to success.

Anyone with a toddler can tell you that their playing looks an awful lot like hard work! I swear Wes would have the time of his life at a 5k run!

While we're on the subject...


5. Success is the opposite of failure. Fact: From quitting smoking to skiing, we succeed to the degree we try, fail, and learn. Studies show that people who worry about mistakes shut down, but those who are relaxed about doing badly soon learn to do well. Success is built on failure.

There are a lot of things in my life that I never tried because I was afraid of falling flat on my face. I can't tell you how many of those opportunities I wish I could have back.

6. It matters what people think of me. "But if I fail," you may protest, "people will think badly of me!" This dreaded fate causes despair, suicide, homicide. I realized this when I read blatant lies about myself on the Internet. When I bewailed this to a friend, she said, "Wow, you have some painful fantasies about other people's fantasies about you." Yup, my anguish came from my hypothesis that other people's hypothetical hypotheses about me mattered. Ridiculous! Right now, imagine what you'd do if it absolutely didn't matter what people thought of you. Got it? Good. Never go back.

Every teenage girl has felt the pressure and fear of being on the wrong end of the popular hallway. While hopefully this pressure gets better with age, I think it's a major battle that most women fight. I hope to try and instill in my kids a confidence in themselves that I never had.

7. We should think rationally about our decisions. Your rational capacities are far newer and more error-prone than your deeper, "animal" brain. Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal. Consider a choice you have to make—anything from which movie to see to which house to buy. Instead of weighing pros and cons intellectually, notice your physical response to each option. Pay attention to when your body tenses or relaxes. And speaking of bodies...

Ok, while I don't think that Brittney Spears is the poster child in the 'be spontaneous' ad campaign, I DO think that some people just need to let go of their routines and shoot for the stars! Myself included. My protective bubble does not stretch easily.

8. The pretty girls get all the good stuff. So not true. I unlearned this after years of coaching beautiful clients. Yes, these lovelies get preferential treatment in most life scenarios, but there's a catch: While everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them. Almost every gorgeous client had a husband who'd married her breasts and jawline without ever noticing her soul.

While I will always be evilly envious of Jessica Alba's (Tad's celeb crush) gorgeous body, I have realized that good looks does not equal good life.

9. If all my wishes came true right now, life would be perfect. Check it out: People who have what you want are all over rehab clinics, divorce courts, and jails. That's because good fortune has side effects, just like medications advertised on TV. Basically, any external thing we depend on to make us feel good has the power to make us feel bad. Weirdly, when you've stopped depending on tangible rewards, they often materialize. To attract something you want, become as joyful as you think that thing would make you. The joy, not the thing, is the point.

If stuff was the only thing that could make me happy then I'd have one scary credit card bill!

10. Loss is terrible. Ten years ago I still feared loss enough to abandon myself in order to keep things stable. I'd smile when I was sad, pretend to like people who appalled me. What I now know is that losses aren't cataclysmic if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. A real tragedy? That's the loss of the heart and soul themselves. If you've abandoned yourself in the effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned. Just like that, your heart and soul will return home.

I've learned the most valuable lessons from my most heart wrenching experiences. While the pain did not subside easily, if ever, I think I came out the other side better for it.